From my heart...

I feel like such a spoiled little bitch! I'm not used to being told about budget matters, or being told I can't do something because my family doesn't have enough money. But today Lily texted me and asked if my family wanted to go to a Japanese restaurant, and I asked my mom and she said sure. Since my dad was working it was just mom, Lena (our exchange student from Russia) and me.

My dad has a job where he works late, and he calls when he leaves work and is on his way home. He asked what we did and I told him about going out to dinner with Lily. Dad said that he would have to re-work the budget because of that.

Now, I don't know if we really didn't have the money, or if dad was just being a tightwad, but I felt so SPOILED! I'm so used to just going out to eat when I ask and going on nice vacations all the time, I never think about money unless it's my own. I'm not the type of girl that gets everything she wants when ever she asks, but I'm not used to hearing "we didn't have the money for that..." I felt like such a spoiled rotten bitch that is used to getting everything she wants from daddy!

I know I'm not. I hardly ever get new clothes unless I pay for them myself, and I have to pay for my trips myself. Three years ago my dad changed jobs and took a pay cut. Not a large one, but it made an impact. And of course, three years ago the economy started going downhill.

I hate that I have so much stuff! And I hate that I never use a lot of it. But hearing about the budget made me realise that I'm growing up- and with growing up comes responsibility. I'm going to have to learn to manage money and a budget, pay for EVERYTHING myself, pay off student loans, rent, insurance, mortgage, all of that! I'm so excited to grow up and be on my own, but I never think about all the responsibility that comes with it.

I'm not ready for it. And I'm seriously scared out of my mind!

PS: Sorry for the swearing... I was upset when I wrote this. But It's how I feel...