Life in All Caps.

Life is a roller coaster.   I've been having ups and downs lately.

Up- School is going OK. I have good grades, I'm getting bored in English (I want to switch to AP), and I actually slightly understand Chemistry.

Down- My dad is annoying me.  I'm not a big fan of parentals right now.  Apparantly, I'm going to lose my job because I haven't turned my work permit into the school district yet. I'M SORRY I TRY TO RELAX AND BE A TEENAGER ONCE IN A WHILE! I'M SORRY I'M NOT CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT RESPONSIBLILITYS! SORRY FOR NOT BEING ONE GIANT FUCKING BUNDLE OF STRESS!!! Sorry for venting. But that really felt good.
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Up- I went to King of Prussia mall last week with Lily, Lena, and Mom! It was so much fun! And Hot Topic is now my friend with benefits! (It's their reward points program thing.  I like it.  I got 15% discount.)

Down- School is a giant bundle of sucky stressfulness.  I HATE THE GUYS IN MY CLASS!!!! THEY ARE SO STUPID! They never pay attention in class and  then wonder why they don't understand what's going on.  They lie and make excuses to try to put of tests and crap and to do as little work as possible. And then they wonder why they get bad grades.  I HATE THEM. I WANT TO STRANGLE THEM AND KILL THEM AND CASTRATE THEM AND KILL MYSELF.

And to top it off, my parents are arguing, dad is never pleased with my best, I'm never doing good enough! I feel like I'm being held to a standard that I can't reach and being punished for not reaching it! Why can't people just accept that maybe I'm not as smart as they think I am? I'm 12th in my class, for crying out loud. I'M AVERAGE. I'M SORRY I'M NOT A FREAKING GENIOUS! I'M SORRY I DON'T TAKE MATH CLASSES FOR FUN! SORRY FOR BEING A MUSICIAN!

gj aehi y8nug raeo[imiyraewodsoau gfiaso[fmijdaso[ jiaewom jifo! I hate life right now. Why can't Christ come back already?  I just want to grow up and get out of here.  And I want to get my frikkin lisense!

And Lily is going through some hard times, and it hurts me to see my best friend going up and down like a see saw. It makes me feel depressed. (If that's the right adjective.)

I just need to scream and fast and be alone with hot chocolate, God, and screamo music.

And I'm majorly jealous of Becoming the Archetype's pianist. WHY IS HE SO TALENTED?!
But yea, I'm pretty much obsessed with BTA right now.  And my friend Luke has talked to Seth from BTA a few times. It's awesome. (Luke is practically a BTA fanboy. It's hilarious.)

But yes, if you like metal, BTA is awesome. They're all classically trained musicians, and in a metal band. IT'S AMAZINGNESS! And they're so blatant about their faith- I love it! They're not ashamed to be Christians.  Their cover of How Great Thou Art is awesome, as well as Self Existant.

I Use CAPS too Much and NaNoWriMo on All Hallow's Eve.

Good evening, everyone.

It is currently 10:30 PM and in an hour and a half, I will be writing furiously along with many other people in the world as a part of NaNoWriMo.  So I figured I should update before November starts. 

Wait... you don't know about NaNo?  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellll, basically, you go insane for a month and attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in the course of a month.  It's fun and I highly recomend it.  Well, I think it's fun.  This is technically my second year, but last year I failed epicaly with a total of 67 words.  BUT I SHALL WIN THIS TIME BECAUSE I AM A STRONG AND POWERFULL WOMAN.

My story is about a girl in rehab for anorexia. She falls in love with the kid she HATED in elementary school, but she has a boyfriend who is planning proposing to her when she finishes with rehab.  HOWEVER, he cheats on her.

It's very cliched but that should make it easier to write.  I REALLY hate cliches though. REALLY.  I'm surprised I liked Twilight for so long, honestly.  I think it's because it's written in a way that makes you fall in love with Edward along with Bella. 

Anyway, today is halloween.  I'm too old to Trick or Treating, unfortunately.  I really like Trick or Treating. Sadness.  Lena and I went on a walk while the youngins were out collecting candy.  It made me so nostalgic... GOSH I sound old!

Then we came home and dad took us to the grocery store to buy discounted halloween candy.  We got snickers, Peeps, and candy corn.  I love peeps.  We also watched the Corpse Bride which is epically awesome +50.

Tim Burton + Johnny Depp + Helena Bonham Carter = Epically Awesome.

+50 awesome points (which is a lot of awesome points) for it being a musical.

I watched Edward Scissorhands today for the first time.  It was so sad!

Lily is doing NaNoWriMo as well, and I think we're having a race, but I'm not sure... I hope not, because Lily is an amazing writer, and I have a tendency to exctreme writers block.  That's how I failed last year.

I need to go finish outlining at least the first few chapters and probably come up with a character sketch for the main characters... And research sociopathy. The male main character is a sociopath in rehab for suicide, so I should figure out how he's suposed act.  I suppose he'll tell me sometime, though... Anyway, only one hour and 10 minutes left! EEEEEP I'm so excited!!! I think this is proof of my saninty.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! And happy Nanoing to anyone doing it out there!

Faith.

Forrest Gump was wrong. Life isn't like a box of chololates; it's like a standardized exam. People expect you to know everything about something you know nothing about, yet when it comes to something simple, such as writing your name, you are treated like an idiot who knows nothing.

PSATs were today, thus the inspiration for this post.

He paints the morning sky with miracles in mind.

So um.. apparently some of my friends read my blog...  Hi guys!

This weekend was fun and full of philosophical thoughts.  (Sort of...)

We went to Inner Harbor in Baltimore and toured the USS Constitution and the USS Torsk. 

On the way home we saw the most AMAZING sunset I have ever seen.  And it got me thinking...


You know who the most amazing artist in the world is?  It's not Van Gogh, Monet, or Degas. It's God.  There's a song that I LOVE that I thought of on the drive home... "You paint the morning sky/ with miracles in mind." It's so true- God paints the sky, and when you see it you can't help but think of miracles.  In fact, it's a miracle that we're even here!  How can someone look at a sunset and think that this is all an accident?  I really don't get it.

Anyway.

Today was youth Sunday at my church, so I had to play my flute and sing.  Then I went to my friend Michelle's birthday party. It was fun! Other than that nothing much else happened this weekend...

How was your weekend?

I'm going home, to a place where I belong.

Junior year sucks.

Just sayin'.

But really, there's so much work! And then there's PSATs, SATs, College, AP classes, UGH!  The first week of school people were asking me where I wanted to go to college.

But before I start to complain more, homecoming was last year! My school was sacriligious this year and had...

DANCING!!! Oh em gee.

It was actually fun this year, unlike last year, which was kinda lame.

So this is basically a random post.  I did have a point, but I forgot...

RIGHT! So homecoming had a lot of rap.  For those of you who don't know, I listen to metal.  I DO NOT LIKE RAP.  Lily, a Sophmore named Taylor, and I requested a bunch of AWESOME songs that never got played.  Sucky.  We requested:

Reptar, King of the Ozone by The Devil Wears Prada, I'm So Sick, Cassie, and Red Sam by Flyleaf, Taylor requested an Underoath song, but I dont know which one.  We also requested We Will Rock You by Queen which did get played.

I think it's time for some Queen.



Funny story: (At least to me) 
The DJ played Soulja boy.  As soon as Lily and I heard "OOOOH! Soulja boy... "  We screamed an ran out of the room and stayed in the bathroom for the remainder of the song.  When we came back, they were playing Metallica! It was pretty awesome.  Then they played Shake It.  I love that song.

Anyway... That was my weekend...

So.... It's been a while since I've blogged.  

The organization that I went to Ukraine this past summer has an alumni only invitational leadership team, and I was invited to go on that trip!  So, hopefully this summer I will spend 9 weeks in Israel and Eastern Europe! I'm so excited!!!

Last Friday Lily, Lena, two other girls, and I saw 9 and looked at homecoming dresses.  While we didn't actually get dresses, I did get two tee shirts from Pac Sun.  The movie was... ish.  I enjoyed it and I was entertained, but it wasn't the best movie in the Universe.

ummm... yea... I don't really know what else to post...

bye!

Hi! School. (Just pray, please.)

So the past few days have been bittersweet.  I've had ups and downs, I've been hurt, I've had fun,  I've had struggles with personal issues, I've had victories.  

Thursday and Friday my school had our High School retreat. Thursday night we had the opportunity to get braclets that say "be strong, be bold" on them, to remind ourselves and each other accountable.  We had to ask a friend to put them on us, so they would hold us accountable.  Of course, I asked my friend (I don't want to say her real name. She'll be Zoe for now.) to put on mine, and she handed me hers and said she had to talk to me later.

The past year or so I've had some friendship troubles with two of my friends.  (We'll call them Zoe and Amy.)  I constantly felt left out and ignored, especially by Amy.  There's more to that story, but not that I want to put on the internet.

Zoe explained a lot of what happened, and told me some other things that were hard to hear.  It was good though, because now I understand her better and she can be more honest with me.  But it was still scary and hard to hear.

Lately I've been feeling depressed for no reason and I've really had to force myself to do things.  It's been hard being away from my Ukraine family and I just want to feel whole again.  You know how when you're really hurt or upset there seems to be an emptiness inside you?  Well, I've felt like that for a long time.  When I was in Ukraine, I didn't feel that- I felt complete.  And I just want to feel like that again.

Saturday, my mom had a bit of a meltdown.  She has depression, and it's hard to deal with sometimes.  Saturday and Monday were hard for her and as a result hard for dad and I.

Monday, however, was great! We went to Hershey park with Lily and a chinese exchange student named Michelle!  I had a lot of fun and rode a lot of roller coasters.  It was good, I needed fun. 

I really do think I have depression, though.  I get upset for no reason and over the littlest things.  I find that a lot of times I have to push myself to get anything accomplished- I just want to stay in my room with my lights off  crying or moping or sleeping.    Monday Lena, Lily, and Michelle all got caricature sketches, and I didn't because we didn't have time- I almost started crying and got really mad at my dad. Over a caricature sketch!  I took a test online (an actual legit test on a medical website, not just a stupid facebook quiz), and it said I have mild depression. 

I'm also struggling with self image and eating disorders.  I don't have one, but sometimes after eating dinner and sometimes even lunch, I just want to throw up.  My appetite fluctuates- sometimes I eat a lot and sometimes I'm not even hungry.  Occasionally, I don't even want to eat.

I don't know.  I'm just worried and scared and all in all, it wasn't the best weekend ever.  (Except for yesterday.  That was fun.  But today... not so great.)