It's been a while.

Oh, hey, I have a blogger!

I didn't forget- I just got lazy, then I went to Israel.

Buttt... I have a new blog, on tumblr.  I switched because it's easier to keep up with people I know irl, and yea... idk.  I just like having the newist shiniest thing on the interwebs.  Idk.

So I'm packing up and moving, if you wish to follow me. 

It is: sunshineseason.tumblr.com

I'll talk a bit about israel on there, and upload pictures, and spill my guts and yea... This is awkward. 

Goodbye, ramblings/lost. I still love you, and you served me well.  It's not you, it's me. 

Faith

Well, this is awkward.

Well.

It's been quite a while.

Does anyone even read this anymore?


So, um.  Hi.

School is out for the summer! YAY! I AM A HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR! and stuff.

kthxbai.

If you have OCD, get medicine.
If you have depression, get medicine.
If you have ADD, get medicine.
Trust me, it makes life a lot easier. Especially if your entire family has this.

I hate my family.  I hate life. I hate school, I hate my peers.  I hate this world. I hate the government.  Jesus, come back soon!

Declaration of Liberation

Today I was facebook stalking some people, as usual, while procrastinating on my homework.  (Which for once is odd, because it's on one of my favorite periods of history. )  Anyway, I came across a note written by a senior in my Creative Writing class and thought it was good, so I decided to put it here, since I'm too lazy to write an original post of my own.

So, without further adieu,

"Declaration of Liberation" 

By Anderson Lake

intresting realization: in 20 years someone our age will be president, in 20 years 35% of us will be dead, in 10 years 46% of us will be married and most of that percent will ahve children, in 10 years most of us will be starting careers that will take up over 70% of our lives, in 5 years most of us will no longer be considered teenagers, Today were considered to be amere part of a percentage made by biased "Adults" who think they know whats best for the world, look where their solutions have landed us, I say this year we screw the percintiles and we make a stand to change the world, to be unbiased and actually give a damn about other people, instead of writing others off because we might not like them. This is our Generation, This is our world, This is our century. Its time to eradicate the old ways and establish the new, a system that doesn't call itself a system, change that isn't hidden under stacks of paperwork. We've been told whats right and wrong by a generation who supports abortion, gay marriage, and racism for long enough. We need to get back to the foundations of morality, WHATS RIGHT IS RIGHT and whats WRONG IS WRONG! THere is no grey area. I'm tired of my elders glaring at me and crossing to the other side of the road because all they see is a statistic, not a person, not the future, just a number. If we're messed up then their to blame, the enviroment they created for us left some of our generation to be neglected or abused which in turn will create a new generation which is worse then ourselves to which we will throw in a statistic and judge. I say that the world as is, is dying and falling a part because no one cares, I say that everyone is to selfish to look for a solution that works for anyone but themselves, I say its time to overthrow this way of life, shed ourselves of these materilistic and pompous views, I say we take a stand for what is right, and when the older generation meets us with violent oppression because we are disturbing the way they want it we will meet them with a force so undeniable, so unstoppable they will have no choice but to lay down their weapons of biggotry and "tradition" that they will have no choice but to allow this change to take place, a change that will help heal the world, that will allow the world to mend its broken ties, no longer will countries be at war, for those imbittered enemies of our grandparent and parent's generations will be no more, in their place will be those who seek peace and prosperity, no longer will we neglect the needs of others, no longer will the cries of hungry children go unanswered, no longer will the people be forced to accept what the news stands are selling, when we live in a world ruled by morality and hope, injustice and depravity will starve. There will always be those who will fight against this, those in our own generation, and those who will be in the next, but we will not stop their voice, we will not be as our parents who shun the voice of those who question, silence those they beleive to be radical. One day it is my hope that all will see the light of this new world and the blessings it can bring to us all. I say these things not to hide my agenda with flowery words, I have no agenda, only hope. Hope that the world can be once again at peace, would it be possible to turn the tide of that which is prophecied in the revelation? As abraham begged God to stop the destruction of Sodom and Gomorah if he could find but 50 men of God, now imagine what would happen if the entire world follwed the will of God, if the entire World no longer wished to stray from the flock. I am not saying that this will ever happen nor that we can work against God's perfect will, only that I would hope for a world at peace. Thank you.

 Personally, I thought this was rather profound, especially for a high school senior, and especially where I live.  My town is a bunch of red neck wannabe's, so, I thought this was cool. It really is a good thing to show to the government and written at a great time, with the Massachusetts senate election and what not.

On the way home from my school's trip to Disney World, I got the idea for a story title, but no plot to go with it. So, if anyone has an idea for me, that would be wonderful. I'm not trying to steal ideas or anything, I'm just asking for ideas. Anyway, the title is "They Dyed the Sky a Crimson Red." I don't know why, but I think that would be a good story title!

(I'm sick. )I'm sick of feeling like I don't belong.

I'm sick of feeling empty.

I'm sick of feeling like an outcast.

I'm sick of feeling uneeded.
I'm sick of feeling like everyone else is held to a different standard than I am.

I'm sick of feeling replaced.
I'm sick of feeling like a hypocryte.

I'm sick of feeling unadequite.

I'm sicke of feeling unapreciated.

I'm sick of being treated like a kid by my own peers.

I'm sick of life in general.

Merry Christmas!

So I have about 4 million christmas posts bouncing around in my head.

One is a list of presents.

One is about my travels.

One is about our Christmas traditions.

One is growing up and the economy.

One is about the christmas eve sermon.

I'll probably post a lot of those tomorrow or the next few days.  For now,

Merry Christmas! 

Grand Canyon Adventure

Hello from Arizona!

While my hometown back east is experiencing a blizzard, here I am sitting in Sedona, Arizona with 70 degree weather in Phoenix!

My aunt got married yesterday, so we came out here for the wedding, of course!  This morining we left Phonix and went to a little town called Jerome, which is just lovely and if you're ever in the Sedona/ Flagstaff area, I highly recommend it. My cousin Beth and I are making some youtube videos so I'll probably put those on here when we edit them.

Faith has a job!

Well, hello lovelies.  It's been a while since I posted something.  I feel like such a slacker.

I really need to stop posting when I'm angry.  I start swearing and that's not something I should do. It's bad. Don't swear.

Anyhow, I am SUPER BUSY and SUPER excited!  I started work on Sundays at a bargan retail store that's like a Sam's Club and that's going well so far, even though I've only had my orientation and worked one day.  My job is called recovery, and I walk around the store and make sure everything looks neat.  We have some REALLY weird customers.  I also bring carts back into the store- that's the worst part. I hate that.  Of course, while I was doing that, I got a christian- kid guilt trip.  Don't you hate that sometimes?  I was bringing in carts and thinking about how much I hate it and how it's the worst part of the job, and then suddenly, I think, "Instead of thinking about how much I hate this, maybe I should be thinking about how I can serve God in this..."  While that's true, it's also annoying.

Cheerleading has started and we had our first home game today! It was really intense- the other team won by 3 and the score differed by one point for most of the game.  I can barely talk because I was yelling so much!

On Friday, my family is leaving for Arizona because my Aunt is getting married.  It's exciting! We're spending Christmas in AZ and over New Years my school choir is going to Disney World!!

So that's my life.  How's yours?

Faith

So my past few posts have been rants. Sorry about that. I've also had hiatuses between them, so apparantly blogging keeps me sane now.
I'm writing this on my cell phone, so this will most likely have an abundance of gramatical and spelling errors. Hopefully not many gramatical ones, though. I like grammar.
I failed at NaNoWriMo. I was all gung-ho and excited for it, and then the second week hit, and.... Epic fail. Sukyness. I'm going to try to finish it during December, though, and I'll most likely post an exerpt from it here. NaNo was good for me, though. It rekindled my love of writing fiction, and it gave me new ideas for stories, many of whitch I incorperated into my story, and I'll probably continue with some of them after I finish my current one.

Sometimes I just need to rant. [If you know me in real life, don't read this.]

Disclaimer: Sorry for the swearing.  I was mad. And there aren't any other words that fit what I mean.


I am so mad right now.

I feel like everything is fucking my fault in this family and I'm sick of it. Honestly, I'm just sick of my family. I am SOOOO ready to just be out of this stupid little town in the god damned suburbs and be at college in the city.  I hate it.  I'm always the one that gets made fun of, teased, the butt of every frickin' joke, and when I tried to retaliate I get yelled at.  Really? It's like everyone else's feelings are considered except my own.  Who cares if my feelings are hurt? It's just fun to make fun of me!!

And everything we do is planned around weather or not I do my chores well enough. I want to hang out with Yearin who's visiting from college? I have to clean my room otherwise I can't. The entire family wants to decorate for christmas? Ok, but Faith has to sweep first.  So we can't decorate for christmas because I didn't sweep or clean the fucking bathroom.

UGH!!! I am so fucking sick of my family!!! I'll just go back to russia next summer, because Lena is obviously the perfect daughter, and I'm not good enough.  My parents would obviously have Lena as their daughter instead of me.

Yea, dad actually said I could go to Russia instead of Lena because Lena's mom did such a good job of raising her.  And it was all because I want my ears pierced again and Lena doesn't like piercings.

Speaking of which, Why the HELL did Miley Cyrus get her nose pierced?

Life in All Caps.

Life is a roller coaster.   I've been having ups and downs lately.

Up- School is going OK. I have good grades, I'm getting bored in English (I want to switch to AP), and I actually slightly understand Chemistry.

Down- My dad is annoying me.  I'm not a big fan of parentals right now.  Apparantly, I'm going to lose my job because I haven't turned my work permit into the school district yet. I'M SORRY I TRY TO RELAX AND BE A TEENAGER ONCE IN A WHILE! I'M SORRY I'M NOT CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT RESPONSIBLILITYS! SORRY FOR NOT BEING ONE GIANT FUCKING BUNDLE OF STRESS!!! Sorry for venting. But that really felt good.
!
Up- I went to King of Prussia mall last week with Lily, Lena, and Mom! It was so much fun! And Hot Topic is now my friend with benefits! (It's their reward points program thing.  I like it.  I got 15% discount.)

Down- School is a giant bundle of sucky stressfulness.  I HATE THE GUYS IN MY CLASS!!!! THEY ARE SO STUPID! They never pay attention in class and  then wonder why they don't understand what's going on.  They lie and make excuses to try to put of tests and crap and to do as little work as possible. And then they wonder why they get bad grades.  I HATE THEM. I WANT TO STRANGLE THEM AND KILL THEM AND CASTRATE THEM AND KILL MYSELF.

And to top it off, my parents are arguing, dad is never pleased with my best, I'm never doing good enough! I feel like I'm being held to a standard that I can't reach and being punished for not reaching it! Why can't people just accept that maybe I'm not as smart as they think I am? I'm 12th in my class, for crying out loud. I'M AVERAGE. I'M SORRY I'M NOT A FREAKING GENIOUS! I'M SORRY I DON'T TAKE MATH CLASSES FOR FUN! SORRY FOR BEING A MUSICIAN!

gj aehi y8nug raeo[imiyraewodsoau gfiaso[fmijdaso[ jiaewom jifo! I hate life right now. Why can't Christ come back already?  I just want to grow up and get out of here.  And I want to get my frikkin lisense!

And Lily is going through some hard times, and it hurts me to see my best friend going up and down like a see saw. It makes me feel depressed. (If that's the right adjective.)

I just need to scream and fast and be alone with hot chocolate, God, and screamo music.

And I'm majorly jealous of Becoming the Archetype's pianist. WHY IS HE SO TALENTED?!
But yea, I'm pretty much obsessed with BTA right now.  And my friend Luke has talked to Seth from BTA a few times. It's awesome. (Luke is practically a BTA fanboy. It's hilarious.)

But yes, if you like metal, BTA is awesome. They're all classically trained musicians, and in a metal band. IT'S AMAZINGNESS! And they're so blatant about their faith- I love it! They're not ashamed to be Christians.  Their cover of How Great Thou Art is awesome, as well as Self Existant.

I Use CAPS too Much and NaNoWriMo on All Hallow's Eve.

Good evening, everyone.

It is currently 10:30 PM and in an hour and a half, I will be writing furiously along with many other people in the world as a part of NaNoWriMo.  So I figured I should update before November starts. 

Wait... you don't know about NaNo?  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellll, basically, you go insane for a month and attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in the course of a month.  It's fun and I highly recomend it.  Well, I think it's fun.  This is technically my second year, but last year I failed epicaly with a total of 67 words.  BUT I SHALL WIN THIS TIME BECAUSE I AM A STRONG AND POWERFULL WOMAN.

My story is about a girl in rehab for anorexia. She falls in love with the kid she HATED in elementary school, but she has a boyfriend who is planning proposing to her when she finishes with rehab.  HOWEVER, he cheats on her.

It's very cliched but that should make it easier to write.  I REALLY hate cliches though. REALLY.  I'm surprised I liked Twilight for so long, honestly.  I think it's because it's written in a way that makes you fall in love with Edward along with Bella. 

Anyway, today is halloween.  I'm too old to Trick or Treating, unfortunately.  I really like Trick or Treating. Sadness.  Lena and I went on a walk while the youngins were out collecting candy.  It made me so nostalgic... GOSH I sound old!

Then we came home and dad took us to the grocery store to buy discounted halloween candy.  We got snickers, Peeps, and candy corn.  I love peeps.  We also watched the Corpse Bride which is epically awesome +50.

Tim Burton + Johnny Depp + Helena Bonham Carter = Epically Awesome.

+50 awesome points (which is a lot of awesome points) for it being a musical.

I watched Edward Scissorhands today for the first time.  It was so sad!

Lily is doing NaNoWriMo as well, and I think we're having a race, but I'm not sure... I hope not, because Lily is an amazing writer, and I have a tendency to exctreme writers block.  That's how I failed last year.

I need to go finish outlining at least the first few chapters and probably come up with a character sketch for the main characters... And research sociopathy. The male main character is a sociopath in rehab for suicide, so I should figure out how he's suposed act.  I suppose he'll tell me sometime, though... Anyway, only one hour and 10 minutes left! EEEEEP I'm so excited!!! I think this is proof of my saninty.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! And happy Nanoing to anyone doing it out there!

Faith.

Forrest Gump was wrong. Life isn't like a box of chololates; it's like a standardized exam. People expect you to know everything about something you know nothing about, yet when it comes to something simple, such as writing your name, you are treated like an idiot who knows nothing.

PSATs were today, thus the inspiration for this post.

He paints the morning sky with miracles in mind.

So um.. apparently some of my friends read my blog...  Hi guys!

This weekend was fun and full of philosophical thoughts.  (Sort of...)

We went to Inner Harbor in Baltimore and toured the USS Constitution and the USS Torsk. 

On the way home we saw the most AMAZING sunset I have ever seen.  And it got me thinking...


You know who the most amazing artist in the world is?  It's not Van Gogh, Monet, or Degas. It's God.  There's a song that I LOVE that I thought of on the drive home... "You paint the morning sky/ with miracles in mind." It's so true- God paints the sky, and when you see it you can't help but think of miracles.  In fact, it's a miracle that we're even here!  How can someone look at a sunset and think that this is all an accident?  I really don't get it.

Anyway.

Today was youth Sunday at my church, so I had to play my flute and sing.  Then I went to my friend Michelle's birthday party. It was fun! Other than that nothing much else happened this weekend...

How was your weekend?

I'm going home, to a place where I belong.

Junior year sucks.

Just sayin'.

But really, there's so much work! And then there's PSATs, SATs, College, AP classes, UGH!  The first week of school people were asking me where I wanted to go to college.

But before I start to complain more, homecoming was last year! My school was sacriligious this year and had...

DANCING!!! Oh em gee.

It was actually fun this year, unlike last year, which was kinda lame.

So this is basically a random post.  I did have a point, but I forgot...

RIGHT! So homecoming had a lot of rap.  For those of you who don't know, I listen to metal.  I DO NOT LIKE RAP.  Lily, a Sophmore named Taylor, and I requested a bunch of AWESOME songs that never got played.  Sucky.  We requested:

Reptar, King of the Ozone by The Devil Wears Prada, I'm So Sick, Cassie, and Red Sam by Flyleaf, Taylor requested an Underoath song, but I dont know which one.  We also requested We Will Rock You by Queen which did get played.

I think it's time for some Queen.



Funny story: (At least to me) 
The DJ played Soulja boy.  As soon as Lily and I heard "OOOOH! Soulja boy... "  We screamed an ran out of the room and stayed in the bathroom for the remainder of the song.  When we came back, they were playing Metallica! It was pretty awesome.  Then they played Shake It.  I love that song.

Anyway... That was my weekend...

So.... It's been a while since I've blogged.  

The organization that I went to Ukraine this past summer has an alumni only invitational leadership team, and I was invited to go on that trip!  So, hopefully this summer I will spend 9 weeks in Israel and Eastern Europe! I'm so excited!!!

Last Friday Lily, Lena, two other girls, and I saw 9 and looked at homecoming dresses.  While we didn't actually get dresses, I did get two tee shirts from Pac Sun.  The movie was... ish.  I enjoyed it and I was entertained, but it wasn't the best movie in the Universe.

ummm... yea... I don't really know what else to post...

bye!

Hi! School. (Just pray, please.)

So the past few days have been bittersweet.  I've had ups and downs, I've been hurt, I've had fun,  I've had struggles with personal issues, I've had victories.  

Thursday and Friday my school had our High School retreat. Thursday night we had the opportunity to get braclets that say "be strong, be bold" on them, to remind ourselves and each other accountable.  We had to ask a friend to put them on us, so they would hold us accountable.  Of course, I asked my friend (I don't want to say her real name. She'll be Zoe for now.) to put on mine, and she handed me hers and said she had to talk to me later.

The past year or so I've had some friendship troubles with two of my friends.  (We'll call them Zoe and Amy.)  I constantly felt left out and ignored, especially by Amy.  There's more to that story, but not that I want to put on the internet.

Zoe explained a lot of what happened, and told me some other things that were hard to hear.  It was good though, because now I understand her better and she can be more honest with me.  But it was still scary and hard to hear.

Lately I've been feeling depressed for no reason and I've really had to force myself to do things.  It's been hard being away from my Ukraine family and I just want to feel whole again.  You know how when you're really hurt or upset there seems to be an emptiness inside you?  Well, I've felt like that for a long time.  When I was in Ukraine, I didn't feel that- I felt complete.  And I just want to feel like that again.

Saturday, my mom had a bit of a meltdown.  She has depression, and it's hard to deal with sometimes.  Saturday and Monday were hard for her and as a result hard for dad and I.

Monday, however, was great! We went to Hershey park with Lily and a chinese exchange student named Michelle!  I had a lot of fun and rode a lot of roller coasters.  It was good, I needed fun. 

I really do think I have depression, though.  I get upset for no reason and over the littlest things.  I find that a lot of times I have to push myself to get anything accomplished- I just want to stay in my room with my lights off  crying or moping or sleeping.    Monday Lena, Lily, and Michelle all got caricature sketches, and I didn't because we didn't have time- I almost started crying and got really mad at my dad. Over a caricature sketch!  I took a test online (an actual legit test on a medical website, not just a stupid facebook quiz), and it said I have mild depression. 

I'm also struggling with self image and eating disorders.  I don't have one, but sometimes after eating dinner and sometimes even lunch, I just want to throw up.  My appetite fluctuates- sometimes I eat a lot and sometimes I'm not even hungry.  Occasionally, I don't even want to eat.

I don't know.  I'm just worried and scared and all in all, it wasn't the best weekend ever.  (Except for yesterday.  That was fun.  But today... not so great.)

My cat thinks my bed is her bed.

Random post title... I was trying to think of one and my cat jumps on my bed and stretches out like its hers.  Oh, the diva. 

Sooo... I changed my blog title... I like this one better because a) I'm a bit of a linguistics nerd, (I'm one of 5 Spanish three students this year and plan to take Spanish 4 next year PLUS Russian at a local college and I'm actually upset that my school won't offer AP Spanish until after I graduate) b) I like how poetic it sounds, and c) It fits me better now- I've realised a lot of my posts centre around me trying to figure out stuff. (because that's so poetic...)
 
In other news, school is OK, I guess.  We have a bunch of new rules that I think are kind of dumb, like if we miss more than 10 classes a year we cant pass the class we missed unless we have a valid reason, and family trips aren't a valid reason.  I'm a bit pissed at this because of reasons previously explained. (Please take a moment to read this post if not done so... I don't feel like re- explaining myself.)   So going down to AZ is going to give me 6 days of already if we want to be there the day before the wedding, which will probably happen because my mom is reading scripture at the wedding and therefore we'll probably need to be there for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.  If my aunts wedding and my grandmothers 70th birthday aren't valid reasons, I don't know what is other than Cholera or some other terminal illness.  Never have I been so thankful to have a doctor dad and a nurse mom- I never missed school for sickness unless I was throwing up or worse... 

Little Faith: Mom... I don't feel good....

Mom:  Here's an alive, now get ready for school and talk to me if you still feel sick later. 

It's things like those that strengthened my immune system, and now I rarely get sick!  (Although I do get migraines occasionally, which kinda suck.)

Ohh... I might have to wait more to get my wisdom teeth out... I like that... (Just so, you know, I don't miss more than 10 days of class while in horrendous pain from major dental surgery and can graduate on time.  [ my wisdom teeth haven't developed roots or started coming it yet, but they're compacting my front teeth, so my orthodontist said that I would have to get them out at the end of the summer weather they've come in or not, but I was in Ukraine this summer, so I didn't get them out, so I don't know when I'll get them out... whoa, run- on sentence!])

Anyway, I still have to finish my online health course, so I'll go work on that now... Oh crap, I have to pack my lunch still! 

Adios!

Days left of school: 178

Health lessons left:3